Welcome to the Burnout Diaries, where I spend some time investigating the reasons behind my eight year burnout and try to fight my way back out.
The secret to curing most things is a proper diagnosis. I spent a lot of time over the years trying to figure out just what was holding me back from creating. There are many reasons that stopped me in the first place but there’s one that kept me from coming back. I fell out of practice.
Stylus Woes
Last week I installed a mount for my monitors to improve my drawing setup. I’m happy to report that it works great! I’m less happy to report that my hand isn’t cooperating.
This is something I’d seen coming. I’d kept it at bay with often belligerent optimism, but the truth of the matter is that after six years away from digital drawing has made the first days back hilariously tough. The biggest issue is the screen. I stare at screens all day, but the luminosity of my tablet means I’ll probably need to invest in blue-light glasses. My eyes were spinning after just a few minutes fiddling around. Secondly is positioning. Most of my life i’ve drawn on a flat surface, ergonomics be damned. The only exception being when I paint or do life drawing. Unlike painting, digital drawing requires a short grip on the stylus, so the hand angle feels particularly uncomfortable.
There’s nothing to be done about it except practice.
Stylization Woes
I did manage to get a little bit drawn digitally this week. I didn’t like the results nor did I expect to. the most important part of these exercises was seeing where I was. The frustrations that lead to my burnout have somewhat cooled and I’m better able to determine what was ticking me off. It’s stylization!
Mostly, I don’t stylize enough. It takes a lot of effort and provides a mediocre result that’s too close to realism, but not close enough to be realistic. In short, I hate how lackluster it is.
The source of this particular issue probably comes from my desire to be able to draw different faces in my style. It’s actually important to certain plot points in ID that certain people look noticeably alike versus the general populace. There’s only so much you can do with weight and height if everyone has the same doll face.
Unfortunately attempting that in my style means I leaned too much towards detail and not enough towards shape. I’m sure if I continue to work at it I’ll find a happy medium, but I can confirm that it’s not a fun thing to continually miss the mark while trying.
Saddle Sore
Getting back in the saddle when you’re older is always harder. It was harder to learn to run after breaking my leg as an adult than it was to learn as a gummy-boned baby. It was harder to learn how to use my ergonomic mouse after years of using flat handed ones. Everything is harder when you’re aware of how it’s supposed to go.
Probably because of all the time wasted remembering how easy it once used to be. It’s far quicker to lose muscle memory than to forget it, and I think the same is true of my art block.
I find it significantly easier to putz around with making thumbnails or color studies in my sketchbook than I do in creating a focused drawing. These are the sort of things that I did during the several years of my worst art blocks – and even then only rarely. However if I were to sit down and think: “I want to draw this character”- I’m in for an hour of frustration before giving up.
I’m exceedingly happy with the quickly rendered thumbs for future paintings, but quit this Kaeya drawing out of frustration within an hour.
So how does one solve this? How do you reach a point where you no longer reminisce as you attempt to work? That’s a question I’ve yet to figure out, whether for running or for art. If I do figure it out, y’all will be the first to know.
fatcr0w is a hobbyist artist with a passion for comics and illustration. They take on too many projects and don’t know when to shut up. It is with great optimism that they believe one day this blurb will be more interesting.
fatcr0w 